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Are you denying Jesus?

When I think about my life and all that I’ve come through, I know without a doubt, that God has been on my side. He has delivered me and provided for me, even when I had no clue how things would come together. He has saved my soul from the pit of sadness and despondency and given me joy that knows no bounds.

I know that you can say the same, if you truly believe that Jesus is the son of God. There is no limit to the things you can do in the name of Jesus.

You have been called, as is said in Isaiah 61.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

   because the Lord has anointed me

   to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

   to proclaim freedom for the captives

   and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]

2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

   and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

3     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

   instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

   instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

   instead of a spirit of despair.

The Prophet Isaiah is often called the New Testament prophet because He had incredible revelation of things that were unheard of. What? The Spirit of God has come upon you? Who are you?

But although He saw things that were to come in centuries, He spoke the word boldly. He prophesied about the Messiah Jesus Christ. And Jesus came and fulfilled all of that prophecy, even quoting Isaiah in Luke 4: 17-21

and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:

18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

   because he has anointed me

   to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

   and recovery of sight for the blind,

to set the oppressed free,

19     to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”[a]

20 Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. 21 He began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”

Yet the bible says in John 14:12  that if we believe in Jesus, “greater works than these shall you do.”

With all this assurance, all this encouragement, all this knowledge, why are we so afraid of saying the truth by the Bible and standing on it? Why are so many Christians so easily swayed by false doctrines, why are we now so extreme in our beliefs?

What happened to saying the truth in love?

What happened to speaking the word of God in boldness?

The bible states in Matthew 9 that the “harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few.” Concurrently, the bible states in several places that the harvest is ripe, and has been handed to us.

We only have to open our mouths and proclaim the good news that Jesus saves. Yet, so many of us refuse to do so.

Are you guilty? Restitute your ways today.

Anywhere, Anytime

There’s some incredible joy that has filled my soul in the past two days. One thing I try to do is to catch every good emotion and feeling and lock it up. When times are difficult and life isn’t going as I’d like it to, I access those little pockets of joy and remind myself of all that the Lord has done for me.

Why am I saying this tonight?

I’ve been thinking a lot about what a life lived completely for God looks like. What would it mean to be completely sold out to Jesus?

I recently came across an image of a famous preacher’s epigraph. It said “A life laid down.”

 That stopped me dead in my tracks. Isn’t that so powerful? To live a life laid down and to die to and for Christ.

There’s a lot I have to learn in my walk with God. I’m learning, slowly but surely, how to love God more and how to know Him more. God is the gift that keeps giving. He is the boss who gives you a job and helps you do it.

As I’ve wanted to know more, He’s pointing me towards people who love Him and who have more knowledge than I do.

That said, I also must mention that I have come to a place where I’m ready for God to take me anywhere and to do whatever He wants to do with my life. I don’t know why for some reason, anytime I think about that, I imagine that God will give me the most difficult test yet in my life. But that may not necessarily be the case. He may be about to give me the most exciting time of my life.

This goes back to the whole idea of leaning into God’s grace and less on His legalism. Take a look at this short story from Matthew 7:7-12

Ask, Seek, Knock

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

I’m looking forward to having my mind blown by God. I’m so excited about the next phase of my life, and although I have no idea how things will go, my God hasn’t failed me ever, so why would He start now?

Take that with you this week: God has NEVER failed before, so why would He start now?

You are God’s will

I read this devotional at work this afternoon and it warmed my heart and made me grin like a toddler.

It’s so comforting, especially for those of us who are transitioning in life, to know that we are God’s will. What does it mean to be God’s will? It means that you are walking in tandem with God, so His thoughts are now your thoughts and His ways have become your way. It means that you don’t sweat any thing. You simply do as your heart leads, because you know that all you have in your heart has been put there by God.

This is very counterintuitive, but that’s the point of the Holy Spirit living in us. He has come to leave the law of God on our hearts so that we know it from the depths of our being.

When we attain such friendship with God, we get into contact with Him that makes us pray without ceasing and listen to His heartbeat at all times.

“To be so much in contact with God that you never need to ask Him to show you His will, is to be nearing the final stage of your discipline in the life of faith. When you are rightly related to God, it is a life of freedom and liberty and delight, you are God’s will, and all your common sense decisions are His will for you unless He checks.

“You decide things in perfect delightful friendship with God, knowing that if your decisions are wrong He will always check; when He checks, stop at once.”

Wouldn’t it be exciting to live so close to God that this becomes your reality? You stop when God says to stop, and you go when He says to go.

One big secret of living in victory is obeying God completely. When we try to make human sense of the instructions that come from God, we fall right flat on our faces because He never makes intellectual sense. We have to leave space for the supernatural, which operates in a realm that we cannot understand.

Then prayer becomes more about us understanding the mind of God and how He operates, than about making requests and getting answers. This leads to fullness of our spiritual lives.

mountain

Consider the widow in 2 Kings 4. She was married to one of the sons of Prophet Elisha and left in debt after her husband died. The debtor was coming to take her two sons into slavery, and when she cried to the Prophet and he asked her to gather large empty containers.

He then asked her to shut her door with herself and her sons and to pour a little oil from the one bottle she had left into each of the large containers.

The oil multiplied and he asked her to sell it and pay all her debts.

Consider, too, when Prophet Elisha threw a piece of wood into a river, when the axe head of one of his prophets fell into it. That tiny piece of wood caused the axe head, which is made of metal, to float. This was in 2 Kings 6.

Consider too that Jesus multiplied five loaves of bread and two fish into a meal that fed 5,000 men in Mark 6.

If you try to understand the ways of God, you will fail. You simply have to rest in Him.

That is a difficult lesson to learn, but you only have to rest in Him. Rely on Jesus. Lean on Him. The Holy Spirit will put you in tandem with God that your footsteps will become His footsteps.

You are God’s will. His spirit has been released to you. Surrender to Jesus today and you have the victory.

10 things to remember when dealing with Stress

Are you tired and anxious?

Are you dealing with stress and fear?

Or life is troubling you?

Then I have some words of comfort for you and a few tips to make it through this period. I hope this small compilation is useful for someone. Take one or all of the verses, according to your need.

You’re not called to worry, you’re called to stand aside and see the Lord fight for you. Go to Him in Prayer and believe that He has done that which He says He will do, which is keep you in perfect peace. 

  1. When things come at you from different angles, remember that Jesus calmed the raging storm.

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Mark 4:19

still-water

  1. If you don’t see where your future is headed, remember that your faith is in the One who holds tomorrow

Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times the things that are not yet done, saying, My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure:

Isaiah 46:10

  1. Things may be tough, but your God is tougher

 Thus saith the Lord the King of Israel, and his redeemer the Lord of hosts; I am the first, and I am the last; and beside me there is no God.

Isaiah 44:6

  1. Confess positive confessions

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

  1. Take time to care for yourself

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.

3  John 1:2

  1. Stay in tune with the Father

 You’re blessed when you stay on course,
    walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
You’re blessed when you follow his directions,
    doing your best to find him.
That’s right—you don’t go off on your own;
    you walk straight along the road he set.

Beginning of Psalm 119 (according to the Message Bible)

  1. Listen to your heart. If you trust in God, give some more thought to the deep longings of your heart. Very often, they’re put there by God. Let God’s peace guard your heart. 

 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7

  1. Walk in confidence

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Sassy

  1. Even if things don’t go according to your plan, remember that God holds the future and the past.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

  1. You have a glorious future, a heavenly heritage.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

1 Peter 1:3-6

Peace and love!


Sassy child picture from here.

Feeling Unqualified?

Welcome to the club.

If you’ve ever wondered if you’re qualified to spread the love of God and to tell people about Jesus, then you’re in good company. Despite writing this blog and thinking of many ways of expanding the work that I do here after graduation, there have been many times when I’ve wondered if I’m the best person to talk about God and to share the love of Jesus.

The one big problem that I face is that I don’t even understand the love of God and the grace that Jesus gives and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. Growing up as a christian meant that I experienced God at a very tender age, but it also meant that I got a lot of information that perhaps wasn’t the best. It was kind of a weeds in the garden situation and I became very legalistic in my thinking of God: you do this, God blesses you. You give that, God provides here.

Don’t get me wrong, God’s relationship with us remains a covenant and there are terms to every covenant. But the only difference is that His is an unequally yoked covenant, because He does the majority of the work. In fact, all the work has been done for us. We simply get to accept the love and surrender to it. Literally, you surrender to God and go to sleep. His Spirit prompts you, He leads you, He guides you and He directs you. You surrender, you conquer.

God has loved us with an everlasting love, sent His Son to die for us, and His son Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be our companion through life on earth. The only part we have to play in this whole deal is to submit to God.

I’m currently reading a book called Communion with God by John Owen. It’s a vintage classic so it’s written in very old english, which has been a bit of a challenge. It’s also been a blessing because I’m a fast reader so reading these challenging words has forced me to slow down and re-read passages as many times as I need to understand them.

After talking about the messages of faith that have been ambushing me on all sides, I read a portion of Communion with God before going to bed. The book talks about the persons of the trinity and how their uniqueness enables us have a richer relationship with each of them and with the whole. You enjoy the parts and that enables you enjoy the whole. You bask in the Father’s love, enjoy the Son’s grace, and communion with the Spirit. It’s helping me to understand the love of God and all that is in store for me as a Christian.

In those moments when I feel unsure of God’s calling on my life in this season and for the future, God’s love comforts me. Even if I had nothing else to say to you all about anything, I could tell you of His love for days and days. The Holy Spirit is leading me to books and sermons and Godly conversations that are opening my mind and separating some of the incorrect or incomplete doctrines that I had internalized.

I talk about the things that I’m learning so that you feel less alone. So that when you’re confused about walking in faith and in purpose, you can look at the little unqualified Alheri and believe that you can do it too.

God’s love is so vast and so big that we cannot even fathom it.

Rejoice that there’s a book in heaven that has your name as well as the name of the best christian you think there is. It doesn’t matter if that person fasts everyday and speaks only in tongues, what matters is that your name is in that book just as their name is there.

Rejoice in that and rest in it. Remember that God doesn’t call those who are qualified but He qualifies those He calls. When you get into trouble, He will provide the way out, when you need to provide an answer, He will provide the words for you.

Do your best, learn as much as you can, but also rest in God. Rest and delight in Him. The journey is as important as the destination.


I included the book in this post because I strongly believe that it will be a blessing to anyone who reads it. It’s not a paid advert guys, I’m not on that level… yet. Haha.

I surrender, finally

I feel like the Lord has been setting me up for something and He’s ambushed me on every side. For the past two days, my devotionals have been focused on faith. From Open Heavens, to Look Unto Me, and even My Utmost for His Highest, everyone has decided to talk about faith. I promise you, even when I miss some days and I catch up, I still land on the devotional about faith.

It’s obvious that I have some work to do in that department and since I’m so far from perfect, the work has been a lot.

Concurrently to learning about faith, I’ve been learning about the Holy Spirit and His work in our lives. One big thing that I haven’t quite understood is how to accept grace. Grace is free. It is not earned, neither is it merited. It’s God’s free gift to us.

Jesus has come and He’s gone back to heaven. He’s given us His spirit, the spirit of power, and revelation, and teaching. Without the Holy Spirit, it is impossible to have faith and without faith, it is impossible to please God, because God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. But to have faith and accept the Holy Spirit, we must receive the free gift of grace. Everything is co-depedent so we cannot cheat ourselves. 

Lately I’ve been going round and round thinking about life after graduation. I wonder, where will I stay if I graduate and don’t have a job and a place to stay? I don’t have any close family in America and I don’t have money for the one-way ticket back home.

I don’t even know where I’ll lay my head the day after I graduate and am kicked off my college campus (quite literally). Also, my mother and sister are supposed to attend my graduation but their visas are not ready yet and time is ticking. Sigh. I also have school work to complete this semester. Double sigh. 

Of course, that’s a lot and it’s kept my little mind active, and it’s in addition to the bad habit of online window shopping (because no purchasing power hehe) and pairing work outfits in my head. 

But as my devotionals continue to remind me, the Lord is calling me to trust. To leave everything on the altar and to trust.

Desert

Imagine that you’re lost in a desert with no idea how to get out. You look all around you and you only find mountains of sand as far as your eyes can see. You have the choice of a map and a personal guide, who knows the desert pretty well and can take you out. But you also have solid knowledge of reading maps and a functional compass. What do you choose?

Personally, I’d choose the personal tour guide, at least for the companionship and for the mere fact that if I get into trouble, I have someone else to help me out.

That person is the Holy Spirit. Right now I’m standing at a crossroads of my life and I have no idea where the next few months will lead me, Jesus is asking me to leave everything and to have faith in Him. He’s telling me that His eyes are on me and that I’m nestled in the palm of His hand.

The one big thing about faith is that it requires yielding. You cannot trust in God if you’re still holding back, you’re not trusting God if you still sit up all night looking at possible options for life after graduation and then getting discouraged because everything is so daunting.

Faith in God means that even thought I cannot see beyond the next few steps, I know that He will come through at the end of this phase of my life and safely lead me where He wants me to be next.

It doesn’t make sense. How can I possible leave my future to the hands of this person who has promised to bring me to fullness in Himself? Sometimes I want to ask: God do you even understand? Did you ever have to look for a job? Did you ever live and work in a different country so far away from home when you were just 22? 

It doesn’t make sense but God came on earth and died for my sins. He has died to be my personal tour guide and He has paid the ultimate price for me.

Gif Opr

I don’t even know what having faith in God looks like in my situation right now. I don’t even know what yielding to God means, I have no idea how to have this intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit that I passionately crave.

That’s the thing about grace. Grace paid the price for me. Grace teaches me how to yield.

All I know is that when the going gets tough, I look to Jesus and I whisper Jesus I need your help. Jesus I need you.

That’s the one prayer I’m saying for the next few months and for the rest of my life. Jesus I need you. Jesus you’re great, you’re worthy, I need you. Come into my life and have your way, I cannot do this on my own.

Here’s a little something from my journaling last night:

“I’ve been perusing the world wide web for hours and hours. There’s a lot I could do in the world, by the grace of God, there’s a lot I can do. But whatever you plan for me to do is all I want to do.”

A little trick I’ve picked up is writing out scripture that speaks to me in this very period. I need to remind myself that Jesus is Lord and that He rules and reigns over the universe, and that He cares about me and He will keep me in peace and security.


Featured images from gif.

How did Mary know?

I completely wanted to write about something different today but in my devotion this morning, I read about the wedding in Cana. I was reading Open Heavens and Pastor Adeboye was talking about how obedience is a quickener for our miracles. When you want something from God (as do I in this season), you either wait it out, but you can also hasten the miracle by absolute and complete obedience.

Take the wedding in Cana as an example, where Jesus was prompted to work a miracle by his mother.

On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim.And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it. When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew)…

cana2

We all have probably heard this story several times. But I wonder, how did Mary know that Jesus would do it? How did she know that by asking the servants to be obedient, they would get what they wanted?

I’ve been torn between praying for things and sitting back waiting for God’s will to be done. But one thing I’ve realized is that God’s will is not passive.

We’re not expected to simply fold our arms and wait things out, we should be actively serving and praying while we wait on God.

Think about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus tells His disciples that His heart is heavy unto death. Basically, Jesus was saying: I’m so sad about what’s ahead of me I want to die.

What about you? Do you still sit with God when you’re extremely sad and worried? How do you wait on God? When you’re asking for deliverance, do you go far with Jesus despite the circumstances around you?

At the wedding in Cana, Mary preempted Jesus to work although He told her explicitly that His time had not come. I wonder how that came to be. Jesus’ public ministry began in essence, because His mother called forth His time.

Isn’t this an astonishing story?

With regards to our topic yesterday on overcoming a particular sin, I think we definitely overcome whatever it is we want by being obedient to God. That sounds vague, but imagine that you’re overeating, how about obeying God in other areas and spending time with Him? When you begin to exercise your muscles of discipline in one area, you begin to see change in other areas.

I still have the question, though. How did Mary know?

Please tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.


Featured image from here.

Are you struggling with a particular sin?

A while ago, a friend of mine sent me a text asking a few questions. She opened up about struggling with something and how she wants to improve.

Personally, I have struggled with a lot of things but I always find comfort in the bible. Many people want to do better and be better for God. We want to improve our spiritual lives and get more intimate with God. But the devil is out for us and we must continue with the fight.

Here are a few pointers that have been especially useful in those times when I fall prey to pride, greed, lust, and even guilt. 

1. God’s grace is sufficient for you: Whenever you feel down and out of steam, remember what the Apostle Paul says about the thorn in his flesh, after he had prayed about three times for the Lord to remove it. This is from 2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

God’s power is shown in your weakness, and that’s why we’re not christians because we’re perfect, but we’re christians because we have a perfect Father who wants to make us like Him. Don’t be worried about what has happened in the past and where you’ve been.

Remember that Jesus cares more about your today and your tomorrow and not about your yesterday. He only goes into your past to deliver you and to bring healing and restoration. Once you surrender to Jesus, you evade the judgement and punishment that should have come to you because of your sins.

Ask the Lord to help you see yourself how He sees you, and when that happens, you won’t feel bad about who you are and what you’ve done in the past. His love is sufficient to

2. God will not let your foot slip: I got some revelation about Psalm 121 while I went back to God to ask for forgiveness for something I did. I immediately happened upon Psalm 121 and verses 2 and 3 and I got very emotional.

We often think of God not letting our feet slip with certain areas of our lives like finances and careers, in the sense that we will not retard or regress. But have you ever considered that God also will not let your feet slip in terms of your relationship with Him?

He’s so so close to you that it only takes a whisper of “Jesus I need you” for Him to swing into action.

In those moments when you feel like you’ve fallen short, remember that the Lord your God does not slumber and He does not sleep. You have nothing to worry about so don’t let guilt eat you up while you work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Don’t carry a burden that’s bigger than you. Take away anything that makes you go back into sin, turn away from bad habits and God will do the rest. Ask for His help and He will grant you the victory!

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

3. Never lose focus that your enemy is the devil. The devil does not like the fact that you’re saved and working out your salvation. He wants to see you fail, so when you fall short, remember that there’s someone actively working to make you fall.

I know that some people argue when Christians place so much responsibility for sin on the devil, that’s okay. We walk into sin with both eyes wide open, we grieve the Holy Spirit, and that’s because we’re but flesh and blood. But it doesn’t take away the reality that the devil is out for Christians. He sends his agents to counteract every single move you make.

The good news is that you already have the victory in Jesus Christ. 

Here’s what 1 Peter 5:8-10 says:

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

Your God is the GOD OF ALL GRACE. You don’t need anything else, really. You have all you need to overcome the wiles of the devil. Don’t lose hope, don’t deride yourself, don’t remain down. Stand up and look to Jesus, who is the perfecter of your faith.

You can overcome sin. You can live a pure life. You can be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect. Never forget that you already have all you need.

 

A little Culture

I’m sharing a little Nigerian music with you all today! It’s Nigerian gospel music and I love that this was a live show that embodied excellence.

The artiste is called Lara George and listening to her makes me think about my little sister, Lucia. I remember that when Lulu was about four years old, my cousin Charity, who was about 11 or 12, was participating in a dance at church. Because Charity and Lucia were always together, Lucia followed Charity to church for dance rehearsals all the time. Little as she was, Lulu learned the dance steps and was only stopped from performing because she was too small. I think they should have let her though, she would have made the performance very cute haha.

That said, the song they were dancing to is the third one in this medley. It’s called Hallelujah. I had heard Lulu and Chari sing it a lot but I never knew who sang it and where it came from, so imagine my joy when I heard Lara George singing it!

Anyway, I’m sharing a bit of my Nigerian culture with you all today, and I hope you enjoy!

Have a wonderful day friends!

Do you ever scare yourself?

Do you ever scare yourself? yes, no, maybe? Lol I hope you’re all better than me then…

Last week the pastor of the church where I worship came to our campus to fellowship with us. Since we’re all women at my college, and the church pastor is very kind, we had an intimate discussion on love. He taught us about the kinds of love and encouraged us to be young women who love God and worship Him truly. He also shared some experience about the kinds of people that He likes to work with in ministry.

For instance, he said, many people approach him all the time asking for posts in the church. They’d say to him “I can be a much better choir director than the one you have currently, appoint me!” He said that this always annoys him and once a person speaks like that, he rarely gives them the chance to actually prove themselves because they’re clearly looking down on the person in that current position and because they’re operating in pride. 

This story made me think about myself a little critically. I sometimes worry about my reputation and whether my actions always match my intentions. For instance, I’ve never struggled with nervousness and shyness. I mean, I get scared about meeting people or addressing large audiences once in awhile, but because of the way my parents raised me, (and God’s gifts to me haha) I  generally don’t fear people. Wake me up from sleep and I can address a large crowd or hold a conversation with someone I’ve never met before (even if they’re famous haha). 

thinking

I’m also very eager and ambitious. When I love something, I pursue it with my whole heart and I work hard at it. I’m also think I’m resilient.

All of this is to say that when I want something, I pursue it.

But does it always come off that way? Does it sometime seem like I want the spotlight or that I think I can do a better job than the person next to me? I’m not actually asking for your answer, those are just some of the things that I’ve been thinking about.

On the flip side, I’m very sensitive and I care very much about people and their feelings and emotions. I try to not be abrasive, offensive, and to prevent conflict. Like the qualities I listed above, this is also a product of having the parents that I have. They raised me to be kind and conscientious, and although I’ve grown older and wished for certain things to be different, I can never doubt that I have kind and loving parents.

Either way, with this rare combination of gifts, I sometimes find myself buried a little too deeply in my thoughts. 

thinkk

When I was choosing my major in college, I asked myself what I wanted to be known for. I decided it was writing. I want people to think of Alheri and think, wow, that girl can write.

In my daily life, I ask myself what I want to be known for. It’s kindness. I want people to think of me and say wow that girl is kind!

Well, I also want to be known for Jesus. I want people to think of me and think of Jesus. But I’d like that to be manifested through kindness. I want to be one of those people you meet that have a kind and loving aura. Whatever that thing is, I want it.

Does that even exist or make sense?

I walk around daily wondering if I’m being kind and loving and welcoming. I wonder if the people around me know that I genuinely care about them and spend days praying and fasting for their own wellbeing as I pray for mine. I wonder if having me as a friend has made my friends love themselves a little more. I wonder if it’s pointed them to Jesus and made them experience His overwhelming love. 

thinkkk

I confess that I’ve been going about this the wrong way. I’ve been fixated on my and my friends’ thoughts and behaviors that my focus has shifted towards me and towards them and it’s bringing pressure.

Last night, as I journaled, I asked the Lord to show me why I was treading down this path and an analogy came to my mind.

The cleanest vessels in the house are those that get the most use. If I want to be kind and generous, I have to think about serving others more, rather than sitting on my bed in my college dorm room wondering if I’m kind and generous.

No one gets good at anything by sitting and wishing for it. We grow by doing, we grow by actively looking for opportunities, where we can be groomed and sharpened.

This realization took the thought of my reputation and my work off my mind and helped me to refocus on Jesus. My prayer now is “Lord, show me how you want to use me. Actually, you don’t need to show me. Just use me how you want to use me and please grant me your grace to be obedient.”

Someone said yesterday (in some youth christian fellowship I watched on YouTube) that God is the boss who asks you to do something then proceeds to help you do it.

I’m banking on that.

I’m also banking on Proverbs 16:7, which says: When the LORD takes pleasure in anyone’s way, he causes their enemies to make peace with them.” (NIV)

Have a wonderful week everyone. My more recent blog posts have been a little intimate haha. I love it. As long as God’s leading, I’ll gladly follow!


All featured images from giphy.