I woke up really late this morning. I won’t say what time here because it’s slightly embarrassing considering my fervent desire to be a morning person.
I know the drill, preparation for a good day should begin from the night before. I learned a small nursery rhyme about this phenomenon when I was a little child.
Early to bed, early to rise, makes you healthy, happy, and strong.
So why do I expect great results when I do not follow the rules?
Sigh, I think it’s helpful to talk about what’s been keeping me up.
Writing! I’m doing an independent study this semester, where I have the opportunity to work on something that interests me with one professor. I get credit for my work, but it’s not a class class so I have the opportunity to direct my work to satisfy my intellectual curiosity. The thing, though, is that Independent Studies require a good amount of personal motivation and drive. I have to want to do the work, and I have to do work that I’m passionate about. That’s not a problem… because I’m working on a collection of short stories and it’s something that I love to do. I’d ideally like to have 5 stories, polished and ready to be published. I’m no genius, so my expectations of myself are very realistic.
But still, I’d like to submit excellent work. I want to look back some years from now and recognize that my stories were well thought out and executed. So I’ve been very worried about my stories. Again, I know that if I want to have the best stories at the end of the semester, I should be reading and writing more. But writing is hard and it’s laborious and it’s deceptive. You may think that you have something nailed, but read it after one week and it’s utter gibberish. Anyway, that’s my first dilemma. I want to do good work, I think about doing good work, but I do not meticulously work myself to the point of producing good work. Sigh.
This makes me think about the post yesterday about friendships and love. I often hear people say that love takes work, especially in the context of a marriage. I’m not married, neither am I in a relationship, so I do not have the authority to speak on these matters. But from my little experience as a friend, I find that a lot of things take deliberate effort and intentionality.
The same goes with everything in life- students who want to do well in school, married people who want to have wonderful marriages, people who want to be better friends. Everything takes work.
Luckily, we have the Holy Spirit who is our helper. I spent the entire evening yesterday asking the Lord for help. I had a feedback session with a professor and she butchered my first draft of a 5-page essay. I left the office feeling a sense of direction, but extremely weighed down by the momentous task of producing quality work. It doesn’t help that I have a lot of writing to get done both in my academic courses, and in my independent work. Who has asked me to carry this very heavy burden?
I can only ask the Lord for help. In my journal this morning I wrote. “Dear Holy Spirit, just as you inspired the writing of the ENTIRE scriptures, please inspire me in all the work that I have to do this semester.”
The Holy Spirit is good at using words, He is the best wordsmith that there is, so what better way to guarantee quality work than to rely on Him.
Bottom line is… this is one of those posts where I simply talk about my life and how I’m doing and the challenges I’m facing and the steps I’m taking (or not) to overcome those challenges.
Keep me in your prayers, I need all of them!