Happy New Month!
For some reason I really like the month of April. It brings showers of blessings and the full bloom of Spring. It means that summer is coming and the school year is coming to a close.
Fortunately or unfortunately, summer is about to change for me- it’ll no longer be a school holiday, but just another season.
So last night I took a prayer walk late late into the night; the silence and beauty of the nighttime draws me in and it’s a safe space for talking with God. I had a long list of prayer intentions and I absolutely needed to clear my head and hear from God.
But as I continued to walk and pray, I felt in my heart that I should pause on the intentions and just worship God. And I did just that. I worshipped and praised God for all that He has been to me.
I realized that the greatest gift I have at this point in my life is the gift of salvation. Despite being in an environment where God is removed from public discourse and public space, I still have my faith.
I think I can say that I love God today more than I did four years ago. I know Him better today than I did four years ago.
I’ve grown as an individual and I’ve made the commitment to God that no matter where He has me in life, I’m never going to let HIm go. It’s like those relationshps where you’re a crazy girlfriend and you refuse to let go. But how beautiful it is that the other person loves you much more than you can ever love them and more than you could ever love yourself?
Two things came to my mind as I prayed and worshiped God yesterday. And out of my worship came two powerful prayer points:
1. Lord help me see myself as you see me. I’m currently working on a senior thesis, am sleep deprived, and still job hunting. I’m not very worried, except that I don’t want to consider the possibility of my thesis not being my absolutely best work. That thing will be there for ages to come so I better put my best foot forward. Writing a creative thesis often leaves me drained and powerless. I give my thoughts and my mind to my characters and sometimes lend my identity to them. Writing makes me realize my own limitations, and the more I create, I more I feel like a vessel in God’s hands. He pours into me and I pour into my work.
But when I see myself as God sees me, I realize that He has given me all I need to be an excellent student and to produce excellent work. I realize that all I have is the brain God has given to me and the wisdom He has placed inside the brain. Haha. That’s more than enough for me. You see, God is a story teller. The bible is a collection of stories, and that’s what I’m trying to do- write a collection of stories. So of course, as He helps me see myself as He sees me, I become more confident in my work and in the God I serve.
2. Lord make me see you for who you truly are. We grow up with very many contraptions of God. Sometimes we think He’s the same person our parents knew Him to be, or we think He’s who our pastors told us He is. All that is fine, except that you have to grow and forge your own unique relationship with God. I’ve had to pray for myself when I couldn’t reach my parents. I’ve had to grow in my own personal relationship with God and the beauty is that I still have ways to go. I want God to show me Himself how He sees Himself. I don’t think I could handle all of that, but God is wisdom so obviously He’ll do what’s best and only give me as I can handle.
The major reason I said that prayer is because sometimes I feel so tiny and inconspicuous. I want to do all these things and I work hard but some bad habits still get in the way. I want to be a morning person but I still don’t go to bed until very late.
The good news it that I’m a small girl with a big God. There’s nothing to me, except Jesus. The better news is that He’s all I need. The best news? He loves me infinitely more than I could ever imagine.
Welcome to this new month. May all your wishes come true. May God give you infinitely more than you ever ask or imagine. May He shine His face on you and be gracious to you in every single thing you do this month.
May His love fill your life and radiate from your soul. May He calm all your worries and erase all your doubts. May He give you loving and supportive friends and family members.
May He help you see yourself the way He sees you and may He give you the eyes that will help you see HIm for the pure phenomenon of love that He is!