christianity
Comments 7

Some days are good, others are not.

Today is one of those days that’s not. The rain has refused to stop falling, I need to take out my braids, and my neck hurts from staring at my computer screen for extended periods.

And I have a mountain of work to get done. By no one else’s fault but mine, I have to work like a donkey these last two weeks of school. Life suddenly seems real. Everything I’ve worked on these past four years could come crashing down if I don’t pull my weight this semester.

I had an interesting dream also. There was a food truck somewhere on my college campus. I went by to see what was happening and I met my church pastor. After a little conversation, he placed his hands on my back and said: “I bind every spirit of anxiety and worry…” and something else. I looked at him, wondering how he knew that I was anxious as hell and worried about everything from my thesis, my final papers, to my graduation (Will I be able to purchase and wear a dress I like? What will I remember my graduation day as? Who will appear in my pictures? Will I have pictures of my own, since my phone isn’t working?). There’s a plethora of things to get done and things to think about.

But alas, I am reminded of the futility of worry. Since I became increasingly worried about inconsequential and sometimes legit things, nothing has fixed itself. I still have my short stories to complete, I still have to complete my interview for a piece I’m writing for my Magazine Writing class, I still have to sit and stare at a computer screen and conjure actual words.

If there’s one thing that worry does do though, it’s that it makes me more miserable. I get worried about what I haven’t done, then I’m worried that time is running out, then I’m worried that I’m worried (Why? Am I not growing in my faith? Have I forgotten who my God is? Has He not brought me through stress in the past?)

And then it’s yet another day and not one ounce of work is done. Everything remains the same but I’m more miserable than I was the day before.

Some days I’m happy and joyful, other days I’m dead worried.

The happy days are the better days. So why can I not work towards as many happy and joyful days as possible?

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

Romans 7:15-20

I guess I’m in good company. Also, I have the Holy Spirit. My default prayer has become: “Help me, Lord.”

This entry was posted in: christianity

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Hey, my name is Alheri and I'm obsessed with Jesus. This blog is me keeping my promise to Him for answering a prayer. Purple is my favorite color and my favorite scripture is Jeremiah 32:27 which says "Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?" (KJV) You can contact me at msalheri@gmail.com

7 Comments

  1. Pingback: There’s always someone listening. | Ms Alheri

  2. Egor F Egbe says

    MATRICULATION AND CONVOCATION CELEBRATIONS
    Alhe, your piece reminds me of some events that occurred to me 37 and 32years ago. At my matriculation and convocation ceremonies.
    My university, Great Ife, is in the Western part of Nigeria while i come from the South East, nay, South South. And for a local boy who had only gone out of his locality once or so (I traveled to my elder brother’s place in Ibadan also in the West during my holidays in Form Four) it was a huge expedition to go to Ife as a fresh student unaccompanied. I did not know the University. But I choose UNIFE in my JAMB based on information in the brochure and other literature. What a bright choice it turned out to be! How many students from my community where there at Ife? And at this time my elder brother had been transferred from the West to South South! What a lonely moment with only one person that came after me, whom i had known at home in my state, my community, a fellow student, same class and course.

    Then there was matriculation. And obviously it was heavenly impossible for my late father to wonder coming for the event. Who did i know in Western Nigeria near enough to Ife? Suit? Shoe? Food? Camera? No way. But I was able to pay and collect the academic gown. And i borrowed an old suit from another older, taller, bigger, senior student also from my State. The dress was obviously over-sized. And i got some old shoes. So i was off to the Matric Ground behind Oduduwa Hall like all other students. And since only very few students from the few from my state had even known me, i mustered no crowd at the event but quickly strolled back to the hostel, dropped the dress and matric gown and head gear. Thank God the authority allowed us keep the gown one week within which many of us made our way to local photo studios in the town for dressed-up photo sessions.

    Then there was convocation many years after. The same cycle of events occurred because at this time even though most of us were becoming young men, the country was experiencing austerity measures, no money. But the main difference was that many of us had now known a lot of other students, friends and all. So after the main occasion at which the President (then represented by the vice president) was in attendance, those of us without any follower-ship of parents and the like simply fussed with graduands from big families whose parents, other children and in some cases, local musicians had come to cheer up with big flasks and pots of plenty food.

    We refused to be lonely and so ate and even danced within the groups as if we were the actual celebrants, though we were not in many cases related to those who came for their children’s event in a big way.. But our parents, for many of us, could not be around us. And again the authority was kind enough asking us to return the gowns after one week. We again used that window to go to local photo studios in town for prepared photography.

    And so was my matriculation, and, indeed, convocation, long ago. In many areas we were first generation graduates. There was a lot of joy at the end of the day. Few worries!

    But nowadays things are changing. Parents and friends criss-cross the globe to attend matriculation and convocation or graduation ceremonies of loved ones. It is good.

    But where not possible, non attendance does not and should not reduce the value of the young one attaining a height in his or her life. What if upon all preparations and show up there is jet lag? Or some headache? Or bags and luggage not being delivered by the airline appropriately? Or delay in laundry?

    We need not worry over certain things. God helps us to achieve what he plans for us. Big celebration is immaterial. Some students party virtually every weekend and at the end of the day fail to graduate with their mates. Some feign bold face to stay on campus and some may even leave the event center in shame. Let us find solace in this hymn below:

    When the saints are marching in
    When the saint are marching in
    Oh my Lord I want to in their number
    When the saints are marching in

    May God help us to discover our worth early in life IJN. Amen

    Like

  3. God shall see you through the semester successfully. And many years from now, you will look back at your graduation and bless God for how things turned out. You are in good company!
    All the best! May heaven move to help you in your final weeks in school and lead you into your destined place, after school.
    I am eagerly awaiting your testimony at the end of it all! 😀 xx

    Like

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