The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions.
One week ago today, I was freaking out about a paper I had to write for my sociology seminar. In one night, I wrote a 20-page paper. God is real! That was also my final undergraduate paper.
On Monday I did my thesis defense. I’m graduating with honors.
I’ve spent the better part of Monday (after the defense), Tuesday, and Wednesday talking with friends, sleeping, and being hungry lol (I’ve actually been too lazy to go get food)
Today I woke up at 9:30am and came to my office. I guess sitting and lazing around was messing with my mind, so I told my boss I was bored and I wanted to work.
Actually I just want some money haha. But as I take my final rounds around my college campus, it’s finally dawning on me that I’m graduating from college. In 10 days, I will no longer be a student of my college and I’ll officially have a degree. In International Relations and English. The best decision I ever made here!
Last night I did a lot of thinking. I thought about my performance in school so far, and especially how I wish I performed better in my first year and my sophomore year. Usually I wish and wish that I could go back in time and be serious with school from the onset. But for the first time, last night, I felt immense gratitude at even completing school and pulling through those years of extreme sadness.
I don’t know, I don’t know, but coming to the end of this phase of my life, there’s one overwhelming feeling and it’s gratitude. I didn’t mean to write about gratitude in this blog post, but I guess that’s what’s on my mind.
I’ll miss my college campus. I’ll miss the quiet serenity and near boredom of this place. Nestled among the hills, here lies a paradise where minds are challenged and dreams are made. I am graduating with honors. Allow me take that in. I usually performed so badly in secondary school, I honestly believed I was a dunce. Lol. So I spent most of my time in the school chapel, because I was chapel prefect, and it was the one place where I could forget my shameful academic performance. But today, merely seven years later, I am graduating from university with honors. Lol. Today’s failures will be tomorrow’s successes.
I’m so grateful for my experience here. All the lows, all the highs, all the failure, all the disappointment, the friends, the professors, the experience. The intimacy with God I’ve gained!
I remember dark moments when I was stuck while completing my thesis. I sat on my bed bargaining with God.
“Lord, just as you made a way for the Israelites at the Red Sea, please help my stories make sense. I’m stuck here. Please dissect this story/ essay and give me a way out,” I would say, consumed with desperation.
God always made a way.
I wish I had a recording of my thesis defense because it was a glorious experience. I had three of my favorite professors discuss my work like it was magic. My english professor called my writing lyrical and rhythmical. I had to confess to them that the musicality and beauty they saw in the writing wasn’t at all my doing. I just sat down and wrote and somehow, God did the magic.
I don’t know why I’m writing all this because also this morning, it dawned on me that it’s 10 days to my graduation and I don’t yet have a job. I freaked out a little bit.
But I find peace in knowing that I’ve done all that’s there to be done. I’ve done my part, physically. All I can do now is sit and pray and wait. Really, sit and wait.
Psalm 37:7 is my word for the season:
“Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.”
I guess this is the part of the blog where I encourage someone, where I tell you that all will be well, that you will succeed. That you are smart and beautiful and courageous and strong.
But here’s what I’ll leave with you: God will never ever fail. He is our rock. Stand on Him, believe Him, call upon Him. He never, ever fails.
See y’all tomorrow for another amazing testimony!
Featured image from here.